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Sometimes you want to go...where everybody knows your name

Making your way in the world today,
Takes everything you've got.
Taking a break from all your worries,
Sure would help a lot.
Wouldn't you like to get away....

Some times you want to go
Where everybody knows your name.
And they're always glad you came.
You want to be where you can see
Our troubles are all the same
You want to be where everybody knows your name.

I love nostalgia. It reminds you of a better time, a happier and simpler time. Where you could just hang out with friends and not have to worry about whether or not Chad would have to pimp out Robin for rent money, or if Houle would have to sell crack to some school kids to buy groceries for him and Mish. Yes, last night was just such a night at the Lister Hall Alumni party.

And if you missed it, let me recap all of the sorrid details!

* * *

Me, Cori, Val, Vanessa were all drinking chocolate coffee tequila -- thank you Mexico for developing such a delicious liquid panty remover that a guy can feel proud to drink as well. And by drinking, I mean (of course) doing shots hand over fist.

It's 7:35...

Or perhaps I should clarify. You see, I think it was just me that was doing shots, partly due to my alcohol problem but mostly because of the fact that ALL of the lovely ladies I was with were looking hot enough to make a preacher sweat!

The show started at 8:00 and I had promised to be there shortly thereafter. So we jump in a cab and head to Fort Edmonton park. The cab ride works out to be $16.40 and I just give our Croation Cabbie Friend a $20. He weirded me out a bit 'cause I thought he was going to cry on my shoulder with gratitude! I think it was because he could finally afford a Tim Horton's sandwich...cause the dude seriously could have used it. Not saying that he was skinny...but lets just say that I've seen fatter Ethiopians!

(Hey Moose...you catch the blantant Africa joke there?)

We walk to the hanger which was, quite easily, 15 minutes away. As we walk, Corinna poses as tour guide to Val and Vanessa who have never been to Fort Edmonton Park. Wow...a party AND a visit to a historical Edmonton site! Along the way Cori points out the old buildings, the old tractors, etc. My contribution to the history of Edmonton is to point out a cow. And a horse.

We finally get to the Hanger and have to sign waiver form after waiver form. We are instructed to actually read each and every line -- limited liability, you cannot sue, blah blah blah. Ha ha ha...those cock suckers didn't mention ANYTHING about suing for injuries sustained whilst riding the farm animals in a drunken stupor. Dave...you are a crazy genius!

Turns out that we're are basically the first one's there. No matter, I think to myself, I'll just have a tasty delicious Sleeman's and wait for my buddies. Afterall, they assured me that they'd be there around 8:00 just as I was. (Now...don't get me wrong...hanging out with the Lay-Days -- which included Jocelyn "Hotness" Downes at that point -- is fine, but it's not like you can crack rude jokes about some broad in the distance without some male accompaniment).

After three beers and 40 minutes later, mes amis finally showed up. As you know, nothing says "lets get drunk" like a triple Vodka and drinking games. But with no cards and no dice, we were resigned to playing I've Never Ever. I go first. "I've never ever NOT played this game". (Ouch...just broke the only rule of the game -- the use of the double negative). But, in my defence, I wanted to get the newbies drunk quickly.

The rounds go by quickly. Some noticable highlights are I've Never Ever:

• Slept with a guy
  
  I seem to remember Moose and Sanchu cuddling on Colin's hide-a-bed...but Moose didn't drink.
  _
• Made out with Q McQuarie
  
  fuck...drinks for me...
  _
• Had Clarkey as a room mate
  
  The best about this one is that Val asked it...after I whispered it in her ear. Mish...don't you miss that little guy, even a little?
  _
• FUCKED A CHICK ON JON HOULE'S COUCH
  
  Only Moose drank.
  
  Even better is how Houle had NO IDEA THIS HAD HAPPENED and was finding out for the first time right then and there!

Really, how do you top that one?

From there, literally, all drinking hell broke loose. Turkey went to play pool with Val. And won 4 straight games. I think it was because Val carried the team..... In retrospect, Val agreed to be on his team if only to learn more of the mysterious "Mickey Chug" phenonimon. I will piss on your dead grandpa's grave if you don't believe me that I have seen my good friend Greg drink a whole mickey of booze in under 5 seconds. And I will punch you in the face if you doubt the fact that Greg has also drank more than 100 oz. in one night.... (Molest Me's party...now that was a good time!).

Cori went around mingling with the other people there that we new from yesteryear...such as all of the HOT RLA's we used to work with. Honestly, there were so many people, so many faces...you forget all of the friends you had in Lister until you come back to see them all again at (what was) essentially a reunion. I used the obligatory "hug and squeeze" move on many of my old gal friends, 'cause that move is SO money....

Moose and I just got smashed, pretty much by ourselves but also with Bissel, Garth, Houle, Army...the list went on and on. At one point, Moose showed me some girls he used to hit on in the Ship and the ones that he asked out. And that's when we had an epiphany. The feeling of "I think I know you but can't remember your name" came from the fact during our reign in Lister, we'd getting fucking hammered on a Thursday Ship Night and hit on all these lovely lasses without ever learning their names.

(I'll let you guess how successful we were back-in-the-day...)

All the hotties were there. There was Dana from 2K. Cat from 4K. Orally...I mean Anally...I mean Onolee from MH. There was Jenn from 6M, Ann-Marie from 5M, Jill from 2K....too many to mention! But sadly, no Marni -- eh Houle?

The night progressed rapidly through 3 bands that no one danced to and before we knew it, the bands had packed up and a CD was inserted to the sound system. Consequently the dance floor became instantly packed.

I feel it was because they all wanted to see me cut a rug, but I could be wrong.

The only other item to note is that Val and Vanessa, of course, lived in Nova Scotia when we lived in Lister Hall...so they had to pretend that they belonged. I kept teasing them all night to go up to some chick and say, "Hey...how's it going...I haven't seen you since the time you danced naked on the bar". A close second was to go up to a guy, slap him in the face, and say "You ass...it's been five years and your child needs to know his daddy".

I didn't think they'd do it. But at the end of the night, Val did say something to this guy! He was completely dumbfounded. It was a FLAWLESS, VICTORY.

The evening at Fort Edmonton closes with the girls getting into a cab with a box full of leftover booze -- Count It!! -- while Moose and I ring the Demon Bell to "Call on me" as the last few people filter out... Curses...that fucking song just had to be played, didn't it. I am tempted to shout out that Nothing Say Money Like Showing the Cunny...but didn't think we needed the unncessary attention.

According to Jody, Moose hates all women and that's final. But Jody...I'm telling you right now...that I'm pretty sure that was not the case last night!

After Houle finishes off his official organizer duties, we grab a cab back to my place for the after party. On the way home, Cori calls to inform me that the girls are having naked panty tickle fight. I run up the stairs like a man possessed and throw open the door. Regretably, the girls must have JUST changed back into their clothes.

Damn...came THAT CLOSE to reaching Nirvana!

The rest of the evening feature watching Dodge Ball the Movie -- which I now own on DVD. Turkey drinking Vodka straight from the bottle. It had Jon Houle -- or Joule (Jewel) as I shall now call him forever -- cursing at the lady for taking longer than the second coming of Christ to make our pizza.

And because this is MY blog entry and 'cause I want to look like a total stud hero, I saved Vanessa from trying to go home with a skeezy cabbie by herself since she was WAY TOO HAMMERED to even think straight. She passed out, face first, on my lap. While this sounds cool, you horn-dogs will be disappointed because I had a foot thick pillow on top of said nether region.

No...if you want gratuitous sex and nudity, you'd have to hang out with my stripper friend Sophie.

Things wound down VERY quickly from there. I offered Val and Vanessa a place to sleep -- really, Vanessa was too drunk to go anywhere -- and tempted them with the prospect of french toast in the morning. But it was all for not as they hopped in a cab and went home.

Cori and I pass out. It's 5:45 and the first hint of daylight is peaking up in the horizon.

As per usual, any of you stains that didn't come...(hmm...cum stains?...), you totally missed out. Which now forces me to berate Sophie...seriously, when in the hell are you going to come out with us? You too could have your own chapter in these entries -- especially when you flash everyone the goodies!

posted by Team Shawn Michaels @ 12:06 p.m.