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Snow Boarding Sasquatch

Fresh off of our flawless victory at karaoke at the Gas Pump the night before, I phoned J-Dizzle my nizzle to find out what the plan was going to be for the evening. Croquet, anyone? Knitting?

No. The Power Plant. For SHIP NIGHT!

Man...for those of you that are reading this that never lived in Lister Hall, there used to be a bar IN the Residence that everyone would go to on a Thursday night. That bar was called the Ship, and hence, Ship Night. Due to liability reasons and the fact that the University was trying to discourage excessive alcohol consumption in a student Rez, the Ship was shut down. Ship Night, it seemed, was over.

***Flash Back. When I worked as a Residence Life Assistant, we had these vests that read "Rez Life". One day whilst waiting for the bus, this bogan (or...Native, for those of you unfamiliar with the term) that said "Hey...I'm from a Reservation too...which one did you come from?" Uh, awkward!***

But some enterprising soul recognized that no one goes to the campus bars so why not hold Ship Night at the Power Plant? And thus this brilliant brain child was born, combining three of my favorite things.

1. The Power Plant -- honestly, I LOVE this bar if for no other reason than the character. Everyone should go at least once.
2. Ship Night -- I "snagged" Corinna by singing in her ear during a Ship Night. I guarantee that it works like a charm.
3. First Year Girls Living in Residence (wow...what an amazing juxtaposition from #2)

I leave my class at 8:00, or as I call it, halfway through. In a class of only 10 people, do you think anyone noticed that I left? Corinna meets up with me and roll up to the bar. We are early, as per usual. If there are two things that are consistently late, it's my friends when they've been pre-drinking and the period of that random girl you had mindless unprotected sex with after picking her up in the bar, hammered out of your mind.

Luckily for us, we get to catch up with Megan and Katie. Do I know two hotter sisters that are friends with us? No. And actually, it's been sooooo long since I actually hung out with them that I didn't care that the doods weren't there yet. And when Jody arrives, I kinda wish that they had been later. He is wearing his "Slim Shady" outfit...as in, track suit (tops and bottoms) based on a clothing line developed by -- you got it -- Eminem. Fortunately the gargantuan aviator sunglasses hide his eyes so that he did maintain a measure of anonimity.

Drinks are cheap at the bar -- and here is a lesson in perspective. Drinks are $3.25 at the Plant; they are $5.25 at Cook County. You do the math...and while you're at it, slap the whiny college kids upside the head for complaining about high prices. (Kunal...I'm looking at you here).

Corinna suggests that we go and play a game of pool. I heartily agree to a friendly little game. I shout out my signature catch phrase "By the Power of GreySkull....I. HAVE. THE POWER!!!!!" to power up. My competitive juices are flowing and I'm ready to crush my opponent. But it's not important who kicked whom's ass. (**Cough, cough -- Corinna won -- Cough, Cough***).

Luckily, although I can't beat my wife (uh...bad choice of words?) I CAN beat Jody Blair...at Golden Tee. Honestly, it wasn't even close. Okay...so maybe he was so drunk that he couldn't see the screen and the sunglasses couldn't have helped, but I still celebrated like Ripudaman Singh Malik and Ajaib Singh Bagri upon hearing the "not guilty" verdict. (These are those Shiks acquitted in the Air India Bombing...fucking CSIS, destroying crucial evidence).

After schooling Jody at video games, I phone Val who had earlier promised to come out with us after her midterm. And while I'm still dealing with the rejection of being stood up, I do remember the ultra-smooth line I used: "I've got a recipe for a great dance...and the only missing ingredient is you". Wow...pure genius and I came up with that all by myself!

Fortunately, I quickly forgot about Val because out on the dance floor are three girls wearing -- as I described it at the time -- SHERPA'S ON THEIR FEET! These were fuzzy boots that looked like they were made out of animal hides. Now if you know Nepal at all, and I'm certain you do, you know that a SHERPA is a moutain guide.

Sherpa:


What I meant to say is Alpacha.

Alpaca:
.

And in the end, it doesn't matter 'cause Alpaca's have short hair and these boots definately had long hair. I am an idiot!

Closer inspection, however, would reveal that these girls were actually dressed up at the Kokanee Girls (you know, the ones that apply to catch the Sasquatch)? The costumes....were amazing.

Ding-Dong
Ga-ga-ga-goo
Dare to dream, Arnold, dare to dream

And if it wasn't the Kokanee girls, it was the OTHER chicks on the dance floor. Now, admittedly I am a happily married man but good lord, I can still appreciate a good looking girl (hey...if Corinna can "crush" on the harlequin romance men, I can have my vice too!) and my head nearly spun off because there were so many of them. It's been nearly 4 years since I lived in Lister Hall and during that time and during that time, certain truths were revealed to me in one night concerning the developments of the last 4 years.

1. There were never that many hot girls living in Lister Hall. Indeed, when I lived there, I must have snagged one of the few hot ones there at that time.
2. In my day, the girls did NOT dance like THAT! (use your imagination as to how they might have been dancing...)
3. Girls in Rez at this time of year should NOT have a body that's as tight as a nun. Haven't they heard of the freshman 15 (kilo's)???

Moose would later state his desire to take one of those women to be his luvah in the hawtub.

Jody and I rushed the stage to dance and I was gang tackled by security like I was on an episode of COPS. "Get off the stage with your drink" was the cry. Uh...okay, Nazi's, how about you chillax and stuff? Sadly, I would find out why they were so adamant about this rule later on.

I pounded the 4 beer in my possession and again rushed the stage. Rushed the stage in time for Eric Prydz "CALL ON ME". When Dave Chapple spoke of the Imminent Whistle of the Train of Destiny, this song surely must be the literal Canadian version for me and my buddies.

Now, you are all familiar with ringing the demon bell, and the sorrid details of this money move do not have to be put into print. (Read: I'm scared as hell that Patty will send out the VIDEO of me, Moose, Jody ringing the bell in his apartment... But at the same time, me and moose are still waiting for the picture of our naked asses). Well, as per usual, we starting ringing the dongs. Even when I'm old and forget that you have to unzip your pants before taking a piss, I'll never forget the most amazing part. There were these chicks, wearing skin tight wifebeaters no less (Steve, you would have been proud!), ringing the demon bell too!

Autobots! Transform and ROLL OUT!

So picture, if you will, us and them ringing the demon bell. I looked up to the DJ booth and the DJ had a digital camera and was taking a movie of the whole sorrid affair. Picture, as well, Corinna dying of embarrassment (again) 'cause I'm ringing the demon bell (again) and will likely do it again -- tonight. Agh...I need professional help!

The other thing that you must realize, of course, was that our raison d'etre for being in the Plant in the first place was the return of the one, the only, Jay Doss to the Ship. Jay is a veritable LEGEND in Lister Hall, thanks in no small part to the collective efforts of all of his friends. The rumors and the murmers of his arrival rose up through the crowd in the bar, not unlike the Jews during Jesus' march to Nazareth.

"There's Jay Doss", one girl would giggle excitedly.
"I heard he got more head than anyone", admired some dood.
"Where are my knee pads?", shouted the sluts.

All facietiousness aside, it was like a presidential campaign stop, with Jay having to shake everyone's hand.

We danced for what seemed like hours. The only thing that disturbed our tantric rhythm were all the god-damned spilly talkers in the bar. I don't know how many times I had a drink spilled on me...this kid spilt a drink on Corinna and I almost put him through a window. I HATE when guys do that.

And spilly talkers did not do justice to the term. Indeed, two brown girls tried to pour a beer over Kunal. More on that to come!

But if people weren't spilling their drinks, they were simply letting their glasses / bottles /etc. just fall to the floor and smash on the ground! I've never seen anything like it...there was SO MUCH broken glass on the floor! No wonder the bouncers rushed me when I went on stage with my beer...I would't want broken glass to get on the stage that could get kicked (potentially) into the eyes of the people dancing on the dance floor below!

By this time, Cori was long gone and I was dancing with Heather Raven. Again, for the benefit of people that don't know her, she is a friend of mine that once sent Moose and I a picture of her in a pink bikini (which you can still find on www.hotornot.com ) She sent it to us, I guess, to make sure that she wasn't going to be a fool by posting a picture of herself on the 'net with all those perverts and creeps. So why she sent it to us I'll never know......

Jeremy shuffled up to us, with his arms raised (with beer in hand). I bumped into him so that one of his beers got dumped on top of those girls that were earlier trying to dump a beer on Kunal! COWABUNGA, DUDES! Easily half a beer, gone, just like that! They were PISSED...and there was Jeremy, not really sure what happened, and me busting a nut laughing so hard.


Remember boys and girls, today's blog entry was brought to you by the letters "S", "T", and "D", and by the number 69. Oh...and this website (used extensively) which features catch phrases from all your favorite '80s T.V. shows: http://www.inthe80s.com/phrases.shtml

posted by Team Shawn Michaels @ 8:50 a.m.