So I'm walking home from the bus through the back alley the other day, and I see a hastily put together poster for a Lost Cat that answers to the name of "Cindy".
Now Cindy the Cat has been lost for approximately 5 days at this point and her owners are worried sick about her. If you have any information on Cindy the Cat's whereabouts, you are asked to call XXX-XXXX.
CASH REWARD OFFERED
That last bolded sentence is the most loaded moral question that I have come across in quite some time. This is either an indication that I have a boring life, or that I'm so bored right now (on a break from class) that I can think of nothing else...
More to the point, as a general good-do'r and a fine upstanding citizen of my community, shouldn't it simply be expected that I would NOT take the reward?
I mean, think about it. Chances are that if I "find" Cindy, it's because she has somehow wandered into my back yard after hunting down one of the bazillion jack rabbits or magpies in my community. In other words, she found me and not vice versa... I doubt very much there are people that make their living by actually attempting to FIND a lost pet when they see the advertisements and then collecting the bounty!
So, with Cindy in hand, you have two options. To take the cash reward or not.
1. If you take the reward (remember, at most you've probably just stumbled across the pet), but really haven't done any work, are you TRULY entitled to a reward?
I mean, I suppose there are some caveats here. Maybe you had to feed the pet for a while, as you try to get in contact with the owners. Or maybe the little S.O.B. has crapped in a flower bed or torn out some flowers, or something like that, so you do have out of pocket expenses (to replace the flowers or even your opportunity cost to fixing the place up again).
2. But, if you take the reward, are you risking a social stigma?
I mean, really, who DOES take the reward these days? And, by taking the reward, is it not a signal that you could be that "pyscho" that kidnaps pets and holds out for the ransom...errrr, the reward?
Quite frankly, I'm not prepared to take that risk.
(P.S. It's only Wednesday -- Day 3 of a 5 day course. Depending on how slow things go, you may see more posts like this during the rest of this week)!
Admittedly, I never update this blog anymore for four main reasons.
1. School / Work.
With more responsibility at work, plus with homework demands (when I'm in school), I'm finding that I have less and less time to actually sit down to pound out a blog entry. Or with the time I DO have, I prefer to work around the home rather than type up an entry.
2. Lack on interest / motivation.
You grow old and you do less crazy shit. For a blog that was DEDICATED to crazy shit performed by me and my friends, this may just create the death blow for this site. Notwithstanding my recent "homeless drunk" episode with the Blairs a few weeks ago, there are fewer and fewer "crazy stories" that come out of situations where we drink a case of Beer in Kelsey's living room.
Thus, with a lack of great content, it's only long periods of boredom (or hot button issues) that push me to write on here any more.
3. Does anyone read this?
I'm not tech savvy enough to include a feature that reports "you're blog was viewed X number of times this month". Without any feed back from people -- hell, even the fact that I have to DIRECT people to read this site -- I'm not too worried about not publishing anything because I know that no one is missing it.
4. Facebook.com
Facebook is in no ways a direct competitor to Blogger. But yet it IS a time-waster kind of site and that's why I no longer really blog. Trying to find your best friend from grade 2? Well...you can do that with Facebook whereas it's unlikely that same person will somehow stumble across your blog.
And when you consider that just today I gave a virtual dropkick to someone's head today in Facebook, that's a heck of a lot more fun than spending X minutes pounding out a blog entry.
By the time we hit Athens, we were getting a bit tired of lugging the camera out all the time. Not to mention the fact that most of the monuments were under restoration work, meaning that getting a shot without a crane, piece of scaffold, etc. was impossible. Still, we managed to get some good photos.
This was a lot of fun in Athens -- open air rooftop theatres! As with all theatres we went to, you could drink during the movie (in this place, you could bring in your own booze). The views of the Acropolis (below) were AMAZING while watching the show.
Acropolis at night.
Theatre of Dionysious.
Theatre of Herod Atticus. This one has been fully restored and is actually used today for such things like Yanni concerts.
This is the Temple of Athena. When we were there, it was being COMPLETELY dismantled, stone by stone, and then put back in place to correct previous restoration errors.
The Erechtheion (both of the above pictures) was one of the very few monuments with no construction equipment set up to repair it.
The Parthenon (a.k.a. the grand daddy of all Greek Monuments). It was amazing seeing so many "wonders of the world" this trip. One fact that I did not know about the Parthenon was that during 1687, the Venetians bombarded Turkish troops stationed in Greece. An errant cannon ball hit a ton of gun powder stored in the Parthenon, causing significant damage!
There was a museum at the Acropolis. Half of it was shut down when we were there, but it holds some of the finer pieces of stone work from the site -- like this scene of a lion devouring a bull.
It's not tough to see what impacts the monuments and why they need to be constantly restored. The Acropolis is a high hill that is constantly exposed to wind. With the fine sand on top of the Acropolis, wind erosion has GOT to be a huge factor.
You were actually very close to the marble structures on the Acropolis. It was only AFTER Cori had touched these columns that we saw the "do not touch the marble" signage.
This is the Temple of Olympian Zeus. It's not as big of a draw as the acropolis (featured in the back ground).
We ran into our ten billionth "time share vendors" just outside the gates...although at the time we didn't know it. This chick had us do a survey and she asked what we DIDN'T like about Athens -- and we said "all those people at the bus stop that harrass you". That line shut her up and we got to leave scot-free. Sadly, others would be much more persistent -- and since there was absolutely NO hiding the fact that we were tourists, we had to grin and bear it any time we walked by Syntagma Square.
This is the old olympic stadium.
These four photos were taken at the Archeological Museum in Athens. It's one of the worlds best museums if you are into that kind of stuff. But to be honest with you, my mind glazed over looking at vase after statue after tombstone carving.
I LOVED Greece. Our time on Santorini was much more relaxed and their weren't as many people. Plus, we went to a topless beach...so, you know... : )
Santorini is THE Greek Holiday destination with good reason. The weather is amazing, the people are friendly, and the views spectacular. The history of Santorini is amazing. Santorini was formed as the result of volcanic activity.
In 1500 B.C. the single largest recorded volcanic explosion in the history of mankind occurred which completely destroyed the Minoan culture living on the island. Part of Santorini fell into the ocean and the resulting tidal waves were 100 meters high! Our tour guide on the volcano tour stated that the explosion was heard 3 times around the world! The submerged portion of the island is called the caldera, and almost every single restaurant / hotel overlooks this stunning landscape.
These four pictures are a great way to demonstrate why we loved Santorini. It's just like every postcard of the Mediteranian you've ever seen.
Partial view of the Caldera below.
And here's how you can get up / down to the Old Port. The climb from Fira (the main town on the island) is 600+ steps. If walking and donkey's aren't your thing, you can take a cable car ride.
Here is me at the summit of the volcano. It is still slightly active -- there were gas vents that you could see the steam rising from. The Greeks on the island do not fear the volcano -- there is a tracking station on the volcano which would give them plenty of time to leave.
Instead, they are more afraid of earthquakes! In the 50's, an earthquake hit the island and nearly leveled every home and shop.
This is a shot from an underground wine museum we took. Greek wine is unique in that the grapes have VERY low yeilds due to lack of water. So, if you are wondering why Greek wine is more expensive, that's why.
There is a funny story about this day, we had to take a bus to the wine museum but it wasn't a dedicated stop. The bus driver flew by the museum (even though I asked him ahead of time to stop) and it took me some time to try to explain to this guy (who did not, apparently, speak a word of English; nor I any Greek) to stop the bus so me and Cori could get off the bus.
Corinna orders the large drink from Franco's bar!
This is Murphy's pub...a great bar to visit in Santorini. They play mainly hits from the 80's (yesss....) and you meet all sorts of people. The drinks are cheap (9 Euro each) but the good news is that they free pour! Happy hour prices were 2-for-1 (so we went to town) and our waitress kept giving us free shots on the house 'cause we were tipping her.
We only had one day in Rome and had to make the most of it. Here we go!
These aren't that significant; but it just shows you some of the stuff that you see all over Rome.
This is the base of the Spanish Steps. Famed for being (at the time of completion) the widest and longest staircase in all of Europe.
Here are the steps themselves. Personally, I didn't see what made them SO special, but I'm not a history buff so maybe their significance is lost on me. In any event, the point of the Steps was to allow people a convenient way to reach the church (pictured at the top).
Pagan Temple (pre-Christianity).
These two photos are of the STUNNING Trevi Fountain. It's very difficult (with the crowds and the space) to get in all of the magnificence of these fountains.
This is the Pantheon -- it is nearly 100% intact from the time it was built (125 AD -- reconstructed after a fire in 80 AD destroyed it). It is simply the best preserved Roman building in all of the city and means "Temple of all the Gods".
Here is one quick photo we snapped inside the Pantheon. There are many people buried there from many different time periods (such as Rapheal - the famous painter). It is now used as a church, with masses and WEDDINGS (if you can believe it) held there regularly.
Next to St. Peter's Basilica in the Vatican City, this Basilica -- St. Paul's -- is the next largest.
I'm not certain if this is meant to be a statue OF St. Paul, but you'll notice the ominous way he is carrying that sword.
These two photo's are NOT paintings. These are actually mosaics with individually laid stone / gem. I don't know how long it took to creat these master pieces, but they were amazing!
Michealangelo was commissioned to do 40 statues for St. Paul's cathedral. Unfortunately, he only completed this one -- a statue of Moses. A number of the other uncompleted works are found in the Effuzi Museum in Florence.
Finally, I found this to be a bit macabre -- I'm not certain what it depicts (our tour guide -- the only one we booked during our whole trip) did not elaborate on it, nor was he even allowed to speak inside the church!
Here is what I REALLY wanted to see in Rome -- the Colliseum! You'll no doubt recognize this ancient wonder of the world (if only from the movie Gladiator). The building was amazing to behold...but tough to take a picture, again because of the crowds. Cori and I would have loved to enter the building, but the line ups were hours long and we just didn't have time.
This is Emporer Titus' Arc of Triumph and is actually a historical document. The detail in the arch depicts a scene of slavery of Jewish individuals (in the time of the Old Testament). While that arc is spectacular, it pales in comparison to this one:
This is Emperor Constantine's Arc of Triumph. Much larger and more ornate than the first one, it was erected AFTER Constantine converted to Christianity (thanks to his mother). This led the way for the introduction of Catholicism in Rome and the real establishment of the Church. Finally, Christians were no longer persecuted for their beliefs!
Everyone knows that people drive scooters all over the place in Europe. But they aren't the only little vehicles that you'll see on the street!
I can't even begin to think why someone would actually want this...
Yes, someone actually does use this door!
Shops in Italy close for up to two hours (or longer) in the afternoon.
This was kinda cool about all the theatres we went to -- you could DRINK BOOZE in the theatre. This one happens to be an old opera hall. We're sitting on the first balcony watching "The Good Shepard" in Florence.
Here is a replica of my statue. (Statue of David). We saw the ACTUAL statue -- and it is magnificent -- but a lot of the museums wouldn't let you take photo's. So, this will have to do.
This is a statue entitled Hercules vs. the Centaur. I could have filled this blog with statue after statue after statue, but I'll refrain and only post this one which really seemed to grab me, for some reason.
There were NO parks in Florence, at all. Instead, you have these piazzas (plazas, or squares) where there are restaurants and where people congregate. This one, in particular, had a carousel.
Here is an example of a typical outdoor restaurant. Quaint...but let me tell you that you pay for the privilege of eating. Florence was SOOOOOOO expensive to eat. Most places expect you to get two courses per person. When each course runs you 12 Euros ($19 or so), it can very quickly add up. To counter the restaurant expense, Cori and I would often stop at a grab-and-go pizzaria.
Truly this is something that must be observed. You can never get an appreciation for the size of this thing, and how much it actually leans, until you're there. The tower is actually one of many sites on the Campo dei Miracoli (Field of Miracles)
The tower was built in multiple stages, but it didn't take long for the architects and engineers to notice that the lean was occuring. Indeed, they noticed this well before construction was complete. At that time, they attempted to compensate for the lean by trying to alter the column length. I can't describe what they did, exactly, but it helps to think that they tried to build it like a banana to counter the sinking effect.
It didn't work.
For a long time (early 90s, perhaps?) going up into the Tower was OFF LIMITS to tourists. Fortunately, modern technology has reversed the trend of the sinking and the tower is now leaning in accordance to its original tilt - about 5.5 degrees.
You'll notice that we did not take the corny "holding up the tower with our hands" photo's. And that's okay. The day we went to Pisa, it was raining SO HARD that it kept all the tourists away, meaning we had nearly unfettered access to the Tower! It made for some amazing, unobscured shots.
The tower actually sits very close to the Cathedral.
Again with the steps! Guess elevators weren't invented in the 1100's... Getting to the top of the tower was something like 300+ steps and you definately notice the lean. The other thing that we got to experience is just how SLIPPERY worn marble is when wet! Nearly slipped to my death a couple of times.
Here is Cori at the bell tower. Sadly, the umbrella had to stay in the photo because of how hard it was raining. And let me tell you about that umbrella -- cost us 10 Euro's ($16 Cdn) from some shady street vendor!!
The view from the top was spectacular.
Flash photography was strictly prohibited inside the Cathedral -- not that it would have helped, mind you. Here are two of the better photos (for detail) that I took inside the cathedral.
This is a scene from the Ponte Vecchio. You'll notice the crush of people...but with good reason. This is actually a bridge, if you can imagine it, and was built in 1345! Store keepers -- jewellers, mainly -- line this strip.
Here is a scene of the bridge from the "outside".
The Boboli Gardens reside behind the Pitti Palace in Florence. The gardens were immense and while Cori and I didn't explore every square inch of the place, we did manage to snap a few good shots. I'll let the pictures speak for themselves -- the grounds were crawling with photo ops. Here are some of the better ones that I took.
What a better way to enjoy the Chianti wine region than a trip to an actual castle, followed by a mountain biking adventure in the countryside!?
This is the Castello di Poppiano and is actually inhabited by the Count and Countess.Here is one picture (of many that don't appear in this blog) of some of the wine storage devices. Cori and I have seen many wineries now and they all pretty much look the same.
This particular Count was known not only for his wines, but in particular his extra virgin olive oil. He would press the olives at a lower temperature -- getting a lot less oil from them -- but the quality and taste is exceptional. A very popular table snack with meals was bread wine balsamic vinegar / olive oil which you drizzle over the bread. It fast became a favorite snack of ours.
Here is a view of the Tuscan country side from the top of the castle. You can see some smoke in the background - I believe that the grounds crew were burning old wine vines.
Here is the happy couple squinting into the sun for this picture.
Okay, say what you want about the bike helmet, but here I am getting geared up for our bike trek. Although there was a stop in the middle for lunch, the whole trip was 23 km and featured a BRUTAL hill climb at the end of it.
One scene from the roadside: a scotch broom plant. Although they are actually a weed, they do have some uses -- they can be used to make actual brooms! I don't know if this was a b.s. story or not, but when you get up close you at least imagine the plant being in the tail-end of a witches broom.
The Balisica di Santa Maria del Fiore (the Duomo).
One of the first thing that I noticed about Florence was (a) how narrow the streets are and (b) how CROWDED they are. You seem to take your life into your own hands while walking down the street! Here is a scene from the main "flea market" area of the city. Unlike most other flea markets; however, most of the owners had signs on their stands to indicate that the prices were non-negotiable.
This is (one small part) of the Cathedral. But you can tell immediately how ornate the building is! Along the top row you can see statues carved out of marble and those statues are larger than life. Try to keep that in mind to get a sense of the size of this place.
From our observation, religion was HUGE in Italy. And especially in Rome (you know, Vatican Church and all). Most (if not all) the paintings we viewed had some religious conotation. And the Duomo was no exception -- after all, it IS a church.
Here is the roof of the dome of the Basilica itself. You may have heard of the painter...Michaelangelo! Honestly, the dude was everywhere! He was comissioned to do many paintings, sculptures, etc. by the Catholic Church in that time period. I can only imagine how long it would take to do ONE PIECE let alone all the amazing things he did in his lifetime.
For the price of (something like) 7 Euro's each, you were able to climb to the top of the Duomo. Here is the view from the top.
I don't know if this comes through well, or not, but this is the stairway to the top. You can see the curvature in the staircase as you climb higher and it was little wider than me. Europe was a LOT of walking and a lot of steps. To get to the top was something like 250+
Reading week just doesn't hold the same appeal when you are working full time. Yes, the week off from school is nice -- don't get me wrong.
For a lot of guys and gals, Reading Week is a chance to take a much needed break from studies and hopefully go skiing or someplace sunny. A lot of my full time MBA friends are either going to Hawaii, Mexico, or else are spending the week hitting the slopes. This means that there is a good chance they see something like the following:
But I'm still working.
So all Reading Week means to me (now a days) is that the semester is pushed back an EXTRA week, thereby delaying my spring. You know, when it's actually NICE out (weather wise) here in Edmonton.
So Garth had a rather subdued Superbowl Party -- only me, Corinna, Houle and Mish were there (besides the host, of course). The first half was really exciting and made for a great game. The second half was uneventful, for the most part...but I was drunk and thus didn't care.
There isn't much to report, but the cupcake cake that Jon brought deserves immortalization. This thing was $32 dollars and every bit delicious. I mean, what's NOT to love about inch-thick icing?
Do you ever wonder about "those people"? You know, the ones that willingly subject themselves to a time share presentation just to get the "fabulous free gifts"?
Well, chalk me up as one of those people.
You see, the last home renovation show we went to, Corinna went hog-wild filling out the "enter for a free draw" contests. Of course, what those draw boxes are REALLY for is to get contact information of poor suckers that are used by telemarketers, timeshare salesmen, and other assorted bottom-of-the-barrel salesmen.
Well, sure enough we got called. We "won" (and I use that term loosely) a digital camera, $100 spa package, and 3-day (2 night) stay at a luxurious resort. All we had to do is spend 90 minutes of our time listening to a presentation on the benefits of time share ownership with this company.
I was steadfast fucking against going. My parents got suckered into it ONCE...and that was one time too many. I rebelled against going and it nearly started World War Three. Cori was of a different opinion, thinking that it would be "easy" to tell them that we weren't interested. As she saw it, it was ONLY 90 minutes and that's it.
I told her she was prolly sitting in a running car in a parking garage if she ACTUALLY believed that shit...but she would have none of it.
So we went to the presentation. The "client service representative" we had as our hostess was brand spanking new to the job and didn't know the first thing about sales. She was ALSO in her second year of University so I don't blame her. She asks us some "data collection" statistics and Cori and I are top-notch clients. Example: We have spent money on vacations to Australia, to Mexico, Stateside, and plan on going to Greece and Italy in the near future. We are in their top income bracket AND we have no kids. We are young, too, which means we have many years of vacationing in front of us.
In other words, we couldn NOT have had bigger targets on our back if we tried.
We go through the presentation and we get to the "sales room". As I said, our hostess blew at sales and didn't do a good job convincing us. We asked for our free gifts (because, lo and behold, we had gone PAST the 90-minute timeline) and she told us she couldn't gift us until we had talked to a "senior sales relationship manager".
So we finally meet said manager. And it's ANOTHER kid of 21 years of age who, again, has no sales experience. He tries a few tactics to make a sale, but it's clear we're not going to bite -- I mean, c'mon, we're two University educated people...you're NOT going to be able to pull a fast one on us.
In the end, here's what we "won".
-- A 100K pixel digital camera. That's right...about the biggest piece of shit that you can imagine. (By way of comparison, our own digital camera is 5 MEG pixel camera).
-- A stay in the said condinium that they were trying to sell us on, and a spa package at said condo. The only catch? We have to listen to ANOTHER sales pitch!
I am REALLY tempted to go. After all, the place looks gorgeous and it's in Canmore (read: skiing). I'm going to get Cori to book a ski trip, and we'll invite 2 other couples to come with us. The catch is that one of THEM will have to go to the presentation!
So I've been finding hidden obscure emails on my computer lately both at home and at work that relate to AMAZING times we've had as a group of friends. One of those was Houle's stag... This was sent as an email, but deserves to be immortalized in a blog entry.
FRIDAY NIGHT
Me, Kenton, and Garth roll into Sylvan Lake around 8:00 on Friday night. Immediately we are struck with a sense of awe, because the main campsite is pretty sweet. Bissel managed to snag a 60’ by 40’ tarp – or maybe it was bigger? – and that bastard is strung over where we’d be spending most our time during the weekend. In the mean time, the three of us crack open a few beers and THEN put up our tents.
Me and Garth then drive back to the front of the campsite – already half cut at this time – and try to self register. Lord tunderin’ Jesus that was difficult. But eventually we pay our 50 boners (holy piss is it expensive to sleep on fucking rocks in a tent) and head back to the camp. I have my neon on and all these little kids are amazed by the neon. BAAAAMMMMM!!! (This had nothing to do with the stag, but makes me look cool and it’s my fucking pictorial essay).
Here are some pictures of Friday night. I’m doing this at work and don’t have any photo software…some of the pictures are SO dark; I’ll try to describe what’s going on.
Here you see me, Walls, Kenton, Houle, and Patty sitting around. Walls is reaching for a big bottle of Champagne from Kenton.
These are all Armitage’s pictures. And here he is being a cunt. It is pitch black and he’s snapping pics just ‘cause the flash is bright. Pictured are Jon’s uncle Andrew, Pratch, J.R., and Garth who is nonplussed as usual.
The first night was so fucking cold. I don’t know that it rained or not, but I do remember that none of the ice in the coolers was melting and the fire, from where I was sitting, was little more than a light source and did sweet fuck all to warm us up.
Littering And….Littering And…Littering And…
…smoking the reefer. While none of you would be surprised to hear that Army was smoking a big fattie on Friday, how many of you knew Garth did the same? He didn’t just pull from one joint…but from two! Later on in the evening Garth would have to puke. Booze or pot…the culprit is still unknown.
The rest of the evening was just a great time among friends. No real crazy shenanigans. But someone made a joke about how Jon would soon never be able to fuck anyone else ever again. Everyone laughed…except me and Andrew, ‘cause we were both married and this was a burn against us as much as it was against Houle.
It is important to note two things. One…yes, that is a BOX OF WINE. Armitage would later try to force feed it down our throats. J.R. would yak it up on his hoodie.
Two…this may have been when we called Jay Doss. Time: 3:00 in Philly. Woke up his Dad. Bissel LIED and said that he was calling from Taiwan and that he wasn’t aware what time it was back in North America. In a word, it was BRILLIANT. (Jay would later tell us that their "call display" totally busted us...)
Further to my marijuana comments above, thank god for Hot Rods
Did Houle take this picture? “Cause what the fuck is up with the weird angle…someone must have been drunk as fuck here. The shot of the table shows the glasses we used for Jager Bombs. We polished off two, 26oz bottles in about an hour.
It’s, like, 3 am here. Scabs throws on a whole bag of wood onto the fire.
The destruction of property!
So many of you have seen how Patty and Scabs will wrestle when they get drunk. Friday night was no different. The only problem is that they wrestled right into Joe’s new car. The dent in the drivers’ side front quarter panel was HUGE. If Joe was pissed, you couldn’t tell. But he’d have his revenge….by making sure Patty had a shitty night. Observe:
This is Patty’s tent. Patty is in there sleeping. Yes…the tent IS fucked-up beyond all belief.
And here’s Patty’s tent as it would end up by the next morning!
SATURDAY DAY
What a shitty sleep the first night was. Drunk as hell, cold, and my fucking air mattress had a leak in it. Oh well…I get up, take a piss, and mosey into the campsite. Unbelievably, Kris and Bissel are already up and they cleaned up from the destruction of the night before. Trouble was that they threw everything plastic in the fire and light a match. The smoke was so black and so think that It looked like they threw a tire into the fire! Christ…I’m suing when the biopsy comes back and confirms that I got cancer.
This picture is taken no more than 3 feet away from Joe and Pratch…and yet you can barely see them. Why? Because the fucking black smoke is obscuring everyone’s vision!
Kris was our cook for the weekend. Breakfast consisted of the following. 1. Place one pound of bacon in a cast iron pan. Cook til completed. 2. Crack open a dozen eggs. Drop on top of the bacon and the one-inch thick bacon grease. 3. Cook until done; salt and pepper to taste. 4. Serve.
This tasted much better than it looks. But my heart stopped with all the cholesterol and grease from the bacon fat. Sadly, this is the hand of the guy cooking the food...
Paint ball
The order of the day was a round of paintball. There were twelve of us in total and we would have been 13, but Scabs pussed out on us. I’ll give you the recap, as there aren’t really that many pictures. 12 people. 3 hours. 10,000 paintballs purchased and used. And Moose, yes, it WAS satisfying to shoot at Wigmore.
There is something very Starsky and Hutch about this picture.
Houle getting into his bright yellow coveralls. I volunteered to be on his team for two reasons. The first being the fact that everyone would be out to get him and I’d be relatively safe. The second being the opportunity to shoot him in the back – friendly fire style.
Oh yeah. That’s the shit.
Okay…who jizzed on Colin’s head?
No doubt about it. THIS is the best photo of the weekend!
Some of us were kind of choked that Scabs didn’t come paint balling with us, ‘cause we wanted to shoot him!! But we thought we’d get him back…so we purchased 2 PAINT BALL GRENADES. We planned to do a drive by grenading. Sadly, Scabs wasn’t there when we got back. But there are more stories of Scabs jumping on a live grenade – more to come!
Realizing that we all stunk like shit, we went off the shower house. That’s when Patty and I had a BRILLIANT idea. We’d wait for Houle to go shower and then when he got back, we’d get HIM with the paint grenade – thereby fucking up his whole shower.
Sadly, the grenades didn’t pan out…Moose would get a bigger bang out of fucking a fat chick than we did with those grenades. Garth’s shirt got sprayed a tiny bit but that’s about it. $16 down the god damned drain for nothing!
SATURDAY NIGHT
Of course, this is what we were waiting for. We got Jon all prettied up for this big night on the town: We called Robin and asked her if she would strip would quarters. I told her she could use them for laundry…but she declined. No matter, ‘cause the hockey game was on that night, so we ran into town to watch the game. We went to “Big Chief’s Pub and Eatery”. They had this amazing back room that was COMPLETELY empty – I don’t think we had booked it, but I could be wrong – with a television just for us. The waitress (Holly) was stunned…there were a LOT of guys and she was the only one working. But it was okay, ‘cause we made life easy for her. ALL we ordered were pitchers of PILSNER and Caesar’s. Booze flowed like water and a game of two bear started. IN the bar! And then, during the first intermission, the owner of the pub (note: he ACTUALLY was an Indian) ran into the back room and gave us a bottle of tequila ON THE HOUSE!
Honestly…what an amazing photo. In the background is Holly bringing out her umpteenth tray of Caesars. You can see the two twonies we used for Two Bear and Joe is half corked with the bottle of tequila.
P.S. Houle was a fucking pussy. Couldn’t even finish his shot. Okay…so big deal that it was half the glass...it was the dude’s stag for Christ’s sake!
Partying like it’s 1999. After the Oilers win, it was a shit show!
Ole, Ole, Ole, Ole… OILERS WIN!
TWO BEAR! HOO, HOO, HOO, HOO!!!!
The Quest for the Triple Double
At this point, I need to make a digression. You see, after the win, Kenton and I went to track down the local Mickey D’s to get Houle a triple double. We leave the bar and start giving high fives to everyone we come across on the street. I run into a bar – trip up a pair of steps (to the gasp of the crowd) – and yell GO OILERS! Then I high five everyone in that bar and we leave. We walk for what seems like fucking MILES. But I don’t care ‘cause me and Kenton are chanting, “Tittles for Smytty”, and “Take it Off for Samsonov” and “Shirts off for Horcoff”.
Well, we happen to be walking through a trailer court at the time and this bitch YELLS at me from her window. “Did you just call me a whore” she asks? I look around. In the yard are 5 bicycle and tricycles. Clearly, the answer to her question is YES…but I think better of coming back with THAT reply. Instead, I yell again, “Shirts off for Horcoff”. Regrettably, I see no tits. Kenton and I keep walking, but we’re clearly lost. And drunk. And scary looking. So what do we do? Why, ask for directions from two 13 year old girls. Wow…instead of running away screaming and calling the cops, they actually stopped and talked to us. In other news, I regret that our society doesn’t teach the children to not talk to scary strangers.
Finally we get to the Mick Dicks. Trouble is that (a) we’re on foot in the drive through and (b) they are closed. But we convince the girl to let us buy triple doubles anyways. Unlike the fat pig at the Mickey Dee’s the last time we got these burgers, this lady makes no rude comments. She was an absolute delight.
But the question becomes: how the fuck are we going to get back to the bar? It was if God himself heard our pleas because up roars this truck through the drive through – backwards – containing two 16 year old kids. Naturally, we grab a ride. The ride back to the bar is silent…until I point out that Kenton is leaving Canada to go to England to be a Phys Ed head master at an all girls high school. The one kid tells us that he was thinking of dropping out of school, but because of Kenton’s tale, he is instead going to go to his principal on Monday and ask what courses he needs now so that HE can do the same thing in the future.
When we get back to the bar, the show is ridiculous. Kris is gone and is hitting on women outside:
Uh, not bad…but there would be WAY better women shortly
It takes him fucking an hour, I swear, but eventually Jon polishes off the triple double and then sets his sights on hitting on the hot cougars in the bar. I saddle up to some of the yummy mummy’s myself – back rubs, and the like – and get them to kiss Jon on the lips, you know, for his stag. They ask us what we do. I mention that I’m getting my MBA, that Patty is a CA, that we have a couple of lawyer friends, some are in med school, etc. This gets them VERY excited – I’m certain they would have left their husbands if we asked them. Instead, they tried to set us up with their 26 year old daughters! (I am NOT shitting you on this). They actually called their daughters to come to the bar! Most of us said that we were taken, but what about “that guy” (that guy, of course, meaning Kris). The moms politely, but firmly, state no way in hell. We pay our bill at Chiefs. It is honestly something like $700 and then we leave. The moms are sad to see us go. So is Holly got she got a HUGE tip…and I’m not talking about the mushroom kind either.
CHEF’s
You cannot even begin to imagine how drunk I am at this time. Of course, this is when the best stories happen...so I hope I can remember them. Chefs is the “it” bar in Sylvan at the moment and it is packed. There is a live band, so Patty, me, and a few others go dance – by ourselves – for a little while. But we need to fuel up with more booze. I buy these two chicks each a porn star. They just tuned 18 and had just turned a guy down (age ~22) ‘cause he was too old for them. So here I am (age 27) buying them drinks and they are absolutely loving it! They tell me that I am such a nice guy…shows that they know NOTHING.
I walk around the bar with drinks in hand. Kris is talking to this smoking hot blonde. I see right away that she is married (I don’t know that Kris knew). So I go up to her, introduce myself, and ask her, “Isn’t it amazing how easy it is to pick up now that you’re married”? She agrees.
Ooops…BUSTED.
I continue my walk about. Kenton is chatting up two yummy mummy’s in the back corner of the bar. I sit down and start talking to them. Carmen (Kenton’s got her eye) and Sonya (I’ve gotten hers)! Seriously…what the fuck is with chicks named Sonya…they are ALL cougars (Moose knows what I mean). To say that these two girls are into us is an understatement of the century.
Observe the following conversation I had with Sonya:
Sonya: So, Dave, what do you do for a living? Me: Well, I work for the Department of Finance for the Province. Sonya: Ooooh. It sounds like you’re good at controlling things. Would you like to control me? Me: Uh…lady, I have to go! Casual flirting is fine but that is crossing the line. Which is too bad, ‘cause she had GREAT tits for a mom with a 17 year old daughter. Now…had she offered to throw HER in the mix too, then maybe I would have had temporary amnesia on the vows. I mean, I KEED, I KEED! Kenton would later tell me that Sonya was sorry that she had scared me off…
Now, as it turned out, there was a stagette in the bar at the same time we were there. JACKPOT. We immediately hook up with them. The chick – a SMOKING HOT blonde – is wearing a suck for a buck candy necklace and drinking from a penis cup. Here are some pictures…they speak for themselves. Wow was she hot.
Our lovely lass now seems less than impressed with the constant attention.
Uh, I do believe Patty is reaching for a bra strap back there. Man was he LIT that night.
Patty kissing another girl. He was on fire that night. Patty would stay with her most of the night and could have so scored…but she had a HUGE ass. Patty DID come home that night – thankfully, he realized that sleeping with her would be a bad idea.
So, you may be wondering why I don’t appear in any of these photos. Was it ‘cause I tried but got shot down…or that I am too smart to do this shit and have it get caught on camera? The answer is neither…
You see, I would start with the MONEY line of “Excuse, I know this is going to sound crazy, but I think I know you”. (Seriously, use this. Not only does it make you seem disarming and not a creep, but it opens up another way to have a conversation with the lady). But while it IS a good line, in this particular case, it turned out that I DID KNOW THEM – or, at least, know of them.
Turns out that MOST of the women from the stag did currently live, or lived at one time, in Drayton Valley – my home town! There was no way I was going to pull shit when there was a chance my old man could find out…’cause I’d STILL be in intensive care if my dad thought I was doing anything unbecoming towards my wife.
There was a shooter girl that would stop by our area quite often. Not only were we spending money like water, but we were getting HER drunk too. Naturally, she loved us. She came by and asked me and Patty if we wanted a shot. We said we’d do one…so when she asked what shot we wanted, we replied, “the whole tray”. Holy fuck was that expensive…and we did it twice, if I recall…but it was worth it.
We used the shots as currency for sexual favors in the bar. Okay, just joking, but the prospect of free booze did excite all the ladies around us. I honestly had fistfuls of shots in my hand at any one time. I gave this one shot to this gal who took a real shine to me…stroked my arm, told me how much she appreciated the shot, etc. But otherwise, she was really quite.
Why was this important? I mean, are we still in high school here? Well, no…of course not. But I tell you this because at the end of the night, the band was on its encore, we all went out to dance. This same lady made a bee line for me…grabbed my hand and practically dragged me to the dance floor. (Uh, not that I minded). Once there she proceeded to grind with me. What’s my favorite state? OH-HIO-OH!!!!
I wish I had a picture of the look on Patty’s face…it was priceless. Honestly, I hadn’t even said more than two sentences to this girl the WHOLE NIGHT and here she was rubbing her gash on my leg and shoving her tits into my chest. I love Cori more than life itself…but I’m not going to lie...it was kinda hot.
And I’m not the only one who enjoyed the dancing. Scabs was also dancing with a fine lass. Okay, that’s a lie…there was NOTHING fine about her. OMFG was she huge beast. Remember how I said earlier that Scabs would later jump on a live grenade? Well, this was it! But the thing was that there was NO NEED to do so…he was playing wing man but no one needed it! Oh Jeremy….you crazy, crazy fool.
Eventually we left the bar. Got a cab ride to the gates of the campsite, but had to walk back in, in the pitch dark. When we got back, people were NOT in good shape…a lot of them puked. I think this is J.R.?? I don’t know how…but I never puked and I drank enough to tranquilize a horse that night. We all did…and the money we spent; well, lets just say that there is a lien against my house as we speak.
Back at the campsite, we decided to cook some food. Walls was in the nicotine fit of his life – would not shut up about it, actually -- and wanted one of Jeremy’s tasty hot dogs.
The problem is that Jeremy would fuck up and the wieners ended up in the fire! So instead a cook Walls a whole fucking steak – he wouldn’t remember eating it when I asked him about it the next day! Eventually Houle, the little pussy, would go to bed. Thus, we threw rocks at his tent for the next hour to try to wake him up…it didn’t work.
At some point, and I don’t remember when, I too went to bed. We woke up in the morning hung over like you can’t believe, and cleaned up and left. It was honestly one of the best weekends of my life – even with no strippers and lap dances – and if you missed it without having a good excuse, then you’re a dumb fuck. (Looking at you here, Jody…)
Here is the first of the THREE pop tart commercials resulting in the references to my car! If anyone can find the other two, I'd appreciate it. For any random passers-by to this blog, please post the link in the comments section.
I don't have all the pictures; check back once I get the best of Garth's, Sanchu's and my Digital Camcorder pics / movies uploaded.
New Year's Eve featured a once in a life time handicap match worthy of the greatest of all PPV boxing matches, UFC events, or Wrestlemania's.
6 men (Me, Chad, Garth, Turkey, Sanchu, Moose)
vs.
1 Texas Mickey of Bacardi Rum.
And, with special guest referee -- Beer Pong (with Rum instead of beer).
So, in case you didn't know, Chad and Robin have this bazillion dollar house on the farthest western point of Calgary and we headed down for a New Year's eve party of epic proportions. Sanchu, from Poland, and Moose, from Australia, were both back in Canada and at this party. As such, it promised to be an amazing time.
We get to Calgary in near record time, despite the fact that this 18 year old dipshit tried to explain to us how to drink Big Bear (Moose and I bought two for the party). As we proceeded to tell him, we had been drinking the stuff since he was in diapers and that we seriously didn't "need any pointers".
Upon arrival in Calgary, however, we had to find Chad and Robin's place which was easier said than done. FOLLOWING ROBIN'S EXACT INSTRUCTIONS, we wound up at the Calgary zoo were I had to ask the Zebra for directions, and had to plow through downtown core road construction before finally arriving at their place.
And what a house it is! To say that Chad and Robin have a small house is to say that the L.A.P.D. only beat Rodney King a little bit! Okay...so the place isn't a mansion, but it is pretty swank. The best part is how they have next to no furniture BUT Chad DOES have this INSANE plasma T.V.
As parties with this group of people go, this one featured very few evil shenanigans. But oh what shenanigans they were! Things really ramped up and got out of control long after midnight when most people had gone home!
1. Beer pong, no...not the "cup-in-diamond-formation", but rather the kind you saw on Beer Fest was a staple. Only instead of cups of beer we had cups of Rum and Hawaiian punch. Ugh
Despite what the movies may have you believe, it is IMPOSSIBLE to "sink and drink" the ping pong ball. Instead, we had a rule that if you knocked over a cup of booze you had to down the entire OTHER cup of booze in one shot. I made the fatal mistake of doing it once. So did Sanchu and Turkey. Chad -- that poor bastard -- had to do it TWICE. (I have video of Chad knocking over the cup -- if I can ever figure out the software to my new digi camcorder I'll post it to this blog).
Even Kei and Wei got in the action. Now, the Quasars are provincial ping-pong champs (and, yes, for those that don't know they ARE Asian which explains why they are sooooo good at it). But when they were pissed, they were no better than we were.
A great moment from the evening occurred when Absy showed up. Either Moose or Sanchu (really, I can't remember who but probably it was Moose) asked something to the effect of "Hey Absy...I hear your girl friend has sweet fake tits". Kevin just about DIED.
2. Naturally I was drunker than a Lord. Here are some celebratory shots of me with the nearly empty Texas Mickey.
3. We all know that on New Year's you get a kiss from your special someone. Here is Moose and Sanchu making out. I didn't even know that sexy was gone until these two brought it back!
4. And the coupe du force was this 3:00 streak session by Chad and Moose. As they peeled out in the darkness (me following with camera and sanchu following with video), I heard Robin call out "Am I REALLY married to this guy?".
In the end, who won the bout between man and insane bottle of booze? Well, consider that before I went to bed I phoned Jody and left a message on his answering machine where I sang to him "I Saw Red" by Warrant. As Jody would recant the next day, I even hit the high notes.
Thus, I think clearly you can tell that it was us.
Edit: at the request of Mr. Doe, I have changed names and locations to protect the identity of this modern day superhero. That goes for the comments, where I had to delete one.
One of the reasons that Moose and I started up this Blog is so that we'd have a way to recounting all the fabulous stories that we had as part of being "with the boys". One such event that I managed to stumble across was an article that I wrote for the Lister Lighthouse newspaper after I had finished my final year of school.
The article was written to help perpetuate the story of the greatest man I have ever known, one Mr. Doe. Even after we had left Lister Hall, the Light House continued to have "N+1's" about him even though he was long departed from Canada.
Indeed my sister ran into a 2nd year student over the Christmas holidays that has heard the the phrase "Mr. Doe Got Head"...this a full 5 years after the last of us left Lister Hall! I hope you enjoy re-reading this article as I did.
The Legend of Mr. Doe
Written by Dave Mulyk (1997 – 2001)
There is no floor on Lister quite like 6 Henday. Even though the current floor can’t party even 1/3 as hard as the old boys used to – as evidenced by the so-called Alumni party – they still kick the ass out of every floor is this god-forsaken hellhole called Lister Hall. Of course, one of the greatest of the great 6H Chief is Jay Doss. But who is Mr. Doe? Is he real? Unless you’re comatose, or live on 11 Mac, you’ve heard of the phrase “Mr. Doe got head”. I am often asked: “How much head did Mr. Doe get during his time in Lister hall”? Well, lets just say that Jay got as much head as the girls of 8 Mac dish out in any given school year. (And as we all know…that’s a TON of knob gobblin’!!)
But I bet none of you would believe that he is a real person. Indeed he is currently a med student at an undisclosed location. Mr. Doe is a remarkable man. Although it would be impossible to list all of his accomplishments in just one article, here are the highlights, and a couple of low lights of his amazing life.
Stole a bus stop sign so that a good friend could catch a bus from the lounge.
Found porno tapes in a toilet in the med-sci library. Took them home, dried them out. Played them in the lounge non-stop thereafter. When moms and dads came to pick up their 1st year daughters at the end of the school year, said porn was playing in the lounge.
Turned down more sex and more blowjobs then most men likely receive in a lifetime. Although a lot of guys make this claim, as Jesus as my witness I swear this was the truth. Her is the only man I know that was able to ACTUALLY get twin sisters wanted to sleep with him.
Mr. Doe took genetics in his undergrad. For two genetics classes, he turned in MOVIES about genetic respiratory diseases – the Adventures of Jeb – RATHER THAN writing the term papers. Got a 9 in both classes. (Or, for the young’uns…an A+).
Diffused the fight between the 6H boys and the dirty Mexicans in the Ship – you know, when the Ship was ACTUALLY a bar.
Could beat you at NHL 93 for the Sega Genesis with his eyes closed and his arms tied behind his back.
Invented the Lister Wheel Chair Olympics.
Could karaoke Bette Midler’s “The Rose” in such a stirring manner that it would bring a tear to the eye of an Arab in the middle of the Sahara desert.
Helped in the plans to steal the original Skulk Trophy.
Picked a Sports Select ticket that featured 5 ties. Came one goal away from winning $250 off of a $2 bet. If only the Montreal Canadiens didn’t shit the bed…
Went to an STD clinic. Received a FALSE POSITIVE for HIV. There would simply be NO WAY he’d be able to contact all of his former sex partners!
Painted the mural at the bottom of the Henday.
Got so drunk that he fell out of bed and received 3rd degree rug burns over most of his face. Still received enough head to make your head spin.
Found a half eaten pizza in an alleyway. Took it home and ate it.
Had sex with your mom. Made your dad watch.
Why did the girls want to give him head back then? Why do they STILL flock to suck the cock? Because the man is a legend. He has no equal. Just as Ron Jeremy is able to sleep with unbelievably hot women, so too is he able to get everyone (from the fat girl that hides in her room, to the uber hot girlfriend of the guy living on 2K) to deep throat.
Make no mistake about it: Mr. Doe is a real guy. He currently lives in Eternia and is enrolled in med school at Castle Greyskull University. In a greater time, you would have met him. But alas, those days are fading like a distant memory like the name of the girl you picked up at Windsor’s when you were hammered. For every time you hear that some guy got head…just remember that he got it first.
We took two wine tours through the Barossa and Yarra Valleys. Cori was really able to impress the wine people when she explained that she was from the Okanagan Valley. They were also interested by the fact that we have REAL ice wine grown on the vine rather than something manufactured in a stainless steel vat.
Pay close attention to these pictures as the angles of the bottles are different. (Damn it...I wish I could remember WHY...oh well).
This particular winery actually still fermented a small amount of wine using a manual crusher and in the traditional old style oak barrels.
Could you imagine living here making wine for a living?
Oh yeah...here's something more my style. I give you the NEBAKANEZER, the largest of all wine bottles. Yes...that IS a "regular" wine bottle on the left. The middle wine bottle has a special name too...but it obviously pales in comparison to the bad boy on the right.
See the sign at the top? Here...let me blow it up for you,
Oh Jeebus... Too bad this was at the END of our trip, or else I would have been in there like a dirty shirt!
* * *
Well, I hope you enjoyed the pictures of my trip -- it certainly was a BLAST and I would love to go back, preferably in their summer time.
The Great Ocean Road is an extremely scenic highway that runs alongside the ocean (duh). We saw some WILD koalas and finished up at the 12 apostles at sunset -- made for some great pictures.
Seriously...how was this thing holding on! It's fast asleep and apparently not concerned for its safety.
This is one of the most dangerous coast lines in all of Australia. Don't let the clear skies fool you...this is an EXTREME rarity for this part of Australia. Normally these cliffs are socked-in solid with fog.
There is a famous story of a shipwreck where only two people (out of hundreds) survived a horrible storm. Their ship drifted too close to the shore but couldn't tell where they were due to thick fog. Too late they realized their mistake and crashed where only two young people survived and were found washed up on this beach. HE was 20 and SHE was 18. Both were single.
The local media tried to make a "Romeo and Juliet" story out of the couple, but after getting patched up they went their seperate ways and didn't see each other again for the rest of their lives.
The twelve apostles...so named for the number of land formations thrusting into the air seemingly from the middle of the ocean. These used to be connected to the main land; however, erosion has left only these columns.
This "bridge" will eventually become an apostle. Always a tourist spot, the LAST apostle to form actually had people on it when the "bridge portion" fell to the ocean! Luckily no one was hurt but the stranded people had to wait a number of hours for a helicopter to come rescue them.
And here is the actual apostle that the people were rescued off of!
Here is a pretty good picture to give you a sense of scale for the 12 apostles
This might be one of the best and my most favorite out of all the pictures I took the whole vacation.
Melbourne is Australia's "Montreal" in that they have a very ... open and progressive culture. Oh, and the architecture is to die for.
They make extensive use of their back alleys in Melbourne. Here is a back alley just CRAMMED with shops and little restaurants
This is a pretty weird juxtaposition -- a porn theatre and a church. But such sights were common in this city. Oh...and Sanchu...the casino here was pretty good.
I fell in love with the AFL -- Australian Football League. Sorta a cross between soccer and rugby, the AFL is to Australia what the NHL is to Canada. It is played on a cricket pitch -- the fields are HUGE and is really easy to get into / pick up.
These seats were the equivalent of sitting at the very front of the second section in Rexall Place to watch the Oilers. This gives you a great perspective of how large the field is.
Kick it through the middle uprights is a "goal" and counts as 6 points. Miss the middle, but still get it through the shorter uprights is 1 point. You literally punt the ball through the uprights -- and some of the players can kick it easily 45 - 50 yards for a goal.
The home team enters onto the field.
The home team scores a goal and the (small) crowd goes crazy.
Here is a pretty good YouTube Video that shows hightlights of an AFL game. It's worth a look for sure. Some of the "marks" are amazing. A Mark is where the ball is kicked and you catch it in the air. Doing so means that the opposition has to give you space (i.e. can't tackle you) up to the point where you caught the ball.
This is the TRENDIEST spot in all of the East Coast of Australia. The shopping is to DIE for -- Sophie, you'd have had a field day -- and the surfing is not bad for the tourist types. I don't think a lot of LOCAL people come here...this is a total tourist trap. There are million dollar condo's everywhere and every brand name imaginable.
You actually have likely seen (or heard) about the Gold Cost (and surfer's paradise) because of their world famous golden bikini meter maids.
Sadly, on the day we went, the temperature was around 15 degrees, and off-peak tourist season, so there were no meter maids.
ALL of these shops were in ONE MALL!
This was actually taken in Coolangatta. It's basically just like Surfer's Paradise but much less developed. Here were the best surf waves we saw the entire trip. Overall, the swell was small -- even at Bell's Beach were some of the worlds LARGEST waves are found, we were disappointed by the wave size.
Here is what you'd normally see at Bell's Beach (which is down the Great Ocean Road). Sadly, what we saw was pathetic compared to this.
A LOT of Australian beer is HIGHLY regionalized...each state has their own favorites. For the LONGEST time, the "main beer" (and sometimes the only beer) sold in the places were frequented was XXXX. I know, I know...I ALSO thought that it was some sort of EXTRA dirty pornography or something.
In actuality, XXXX is "Four - Ex"...but we didn't learn this until we took the tour. Up until that point, we were (read: I) was too embarrassed to ask for a beer and pronounce it wrong so I didn't have a single beer! At the end of the tour you get 4 free pints, which explains why I look a TEENSY bit tipsy in the photo below.
While I adverted disaster with XXXX, that's not to say that I didn't have an embarrassing story asking for beer. Another main beer is Carlton Beer. We went to this one local neighborhood bar that was off of the beaten tourist path. I strolled up to the bar and asked for a imperial pint (yes, there are two pint sizes) or CaRlton Draft (emphasis on the R). The response of the bar tender, who had her head down at the bar, was, "Oh my freakin' god...where are YOU from".
Then she looked up and saw my HUGE Canadian Athletic sweatshirt -- she got it immediately upon seeing me.
Apparently the "R's" in most words are silent. As in, I should have asked for CALTON beer.
I quickly learned that XXXX is NOT the best beer Australia offers. Carlton Draught is great as is Coopers Pale / Sparkling Ale. And you can get Coopers at the Globe in Down Town Edmonton.
This photo was taking explicitly for a co-worker of mine. Mark...welcome to the famous XXXX brewery where they make Duff, Duff Light, and Duff Dry. Any fan of the Simpson's will get this reference and the episode it came from.
This place was cool...again, think open air zoo. At this one you were allowed to get pictures holding a koala! One point I'd like to make -- Koala's are NOT that cuddly. Furthermore, they stink really bad -- they have scent glands that they use to mark territory, attract a mate, etc...not pleasant in the slightest.
You have to pay $10 to get a photo -- the money is used to build new Koala sanctuaries. However, after that you can snap all of your OWN pictures that you want. Here is Cori holding Mark the Koala.
Here are a pair of male, teenage koalas doing what these animals do best -- sleeping and eating! They sleep upwards of 18 hours a day, mainly because eucalyptus leaves have a natural sedative in them. Koalas sleep in the most precarious of positions -- often we wondered how it was possible that they didn't fall out.
Despite what this picture might indicate, this wallaby was NOT buying what I was selling. Damn bugger wasn't hungry!
I'm certain there is some sort of "Larry the Lounge Lizard" joke here...but I can't quite put my finger on it. In all honesty, however, these Red Kangaroos were HUGE. Over 6 feet tall. These were the only kangaroos that you couldn't go up and pet / touch, mainly 'cause if you made 'em mad, their kick could put you in the hospital.
Australia has some fantastic birds of prey. Here are two examples.
Cairns is a great vacation spot if you go in the Canadian Summer. Cairns (pronouced Cannes -- kinda like the film festival) is always around 30 degrees celcius. They don't have winter or summer, per se, only wet and dry season. Dry season happens to be Australia's winter so it was PERFECT when we were there.
Corinna got to live out a long time dream of hers to jump out of a perfectly good plane. This nearly got her kicked outta dad's will!
Okay...so this has nothing to do with skydiving. But dammit, it's a great picture of us and I wanted to include it. This was taken outside of the Cairns YHA.
The sanctuary was an open - air zoo...the animals were all about you. Then we ventured deep into the rainforest where I went for a swim and finally, we went on a river cruise and got to see REAL life salt water crocs in a lush tropical rainforest.
This is a Cassowary. It can kill you!
Is it any wonder that 80 - 90% of all sunlight doesn't reach the ground in this rainforest?
While I was in the river, Cori got this picture of a boa constrictor.
These are two different male crocs, and they had just gotten into a fight. You can sorta see the damage on the bottom crocodile.
Despite what the Simpson's has taught me, you really don't want to lick tree frog...this ain't a poisonous variety, but our tour guide had him on the boat to pull out to surprise us.
Snorkelling on the Great Barrier Reef was EASILY one of the biggest thrills of the whole vacation! Our crappy underwater camera sucked...you can't begin to imagine the sights we saw, including a sea turtle, the largest fish I'll ever see in my life, sting rays, and a shark feeding frenzy after lunch.
Fortunately we were able to buy a CD of photos from the onboard photographer, but it doesn't have any tarpin, sea turtles, or these little rainbow colored fish that had NO fear of humans whatsoever and would come right up to you and swim amongst your body.
These clams are HUGE -- at least my size or bigger.
You would know this better as rappelling. We did this on a Sunday morning -- it was me, Cori, and our guide and that's IT. Travelling in the off-season has it's perks...
The largest cliff we rappelled was 120 METERS tall -- it was an absolute RUSH. We abseiled near an amusement park...without fail, when I went over the edge, the Indiana Jones THEME SONG was playing.
I wish I could give you a sense of the scale of the height. These trees are without a doubt the largest ones I've seen in my life -- and they don't even reach up to half the height of the cliff.
Here is a picture half way down, between my legs. It was an interesting perspective, and was tough to not get dizzy!
About 1.5 hours out of Sydney by train is Katoomba, the Blue Mountains, and the Jenolin caves. These caves are MASSIVE and photographers from all over the world come to take pictures of them. You can even get married in some of the larger cathedrals!
Obviously this isn't natural...the light is shining up from underneath.
This isn't from an earthquake or anything -- the caves are slowly shifting in different directions! That represents something ridiculous like THOUSANDS of years of movement.
I tried like hell to get this puffer fish to "blow up" to no avail.
There are no Great Whites in captivity - they die. Still, the sharks they had were pretty cool.
This is called a Lion Fish.
Excuse me...my name is Marlin and this is Dorey. My son Nemo is missing, and we're looking to get to Sydney. Can you help us? These are the fish that help the pair get to the E.A.C. in Finding Nemo!
Every where you go in Sydney is like one giant postcard waiting to happen. Seriously, most of Australia is like this because the scenery and the architecture is out of this world.
This is part of Darline Harbour, a trendy restaurant and water front shopping area.
Gum trees which are native to Australia, are absolutely USELESS for home construction. To address their building supply needs, Australia has fields and fields of Canadian Pine and Spruce trees -- it's bizarre to see a pine tree where you wouldn't expect it. Granted, the Australian blend of Canadian pine DOES look different than it does back home.
The famous Sydney Harbour Bridge. Believe it or not, but you can climb to the top -- but it costs you money.
The SPECTACULAR Sydney Opera House. We saw the opera "Turin Dot" on it's second night showing.
Some parts of Sydney are incredibly old. Check out this pic we snapped down a back alley -- more importantly, check out where the door knob is!
Hyde Park is a famous park in London England. Because the original settlers of Australia were of British decent, they built their own Hyde Park.
One of the sites is the Sydney fish market. Uh...you REALLY have to like fish for me to recommend you getting out there. Here is our lunch from that day. I've developed a taste for sushi -- damn you Felix Choo! -- so naturally this was pretty tasty!
This is me standing on a look-out overlooking the world famous bondi beach. Granted this doesn't look like much -- but it WAS winter when we went. Here is the same beach in the summer -- DEFINATELY a place to see hot people and to been seen. Water temperature when we went swimming was around 18 degrees celcius...WAY to cold for the average Australian. Everyone knew we were from Canada on this day!
Ah yes, tis one of the last weekends in December. And this can only mean that it is time for that annual rite of passage of drinking -- the Camrose Crawl.
Now, to be honest, I dread this time of year. You cannot understand the mental and physical training and preperation it takes to will yourself to drink for nearly 9 hours straight in a foreign city. The unfamiliarity of the surroundings, coupled with the requirement to spend copious amounts of money, and then dealing with the inevitable puking, cold shakes, fever, night sweats, butter butt, beer farts, and side-splitting headache the next day means that one doesn't necessarily approach the Camrose Crawl lightly.
But similar to how Sir Lancelot and the entire Knights of the Round table would react when the guantlet is thrown down issuing the challenge of the Camrose Crawl, I bend over, pick up that metal glove off of the cold and unforgiving floor, and say, "Excuse me Sir...I think you have dropped this".
The first bar of the evening is located in the luxurious confines of the Alice Hotel. The bar is called the Pump House and is every bit as shitty as you can possibly imagine. As Greg's DAD drops us off out front -- seriously, what are we, in HIGHSCHOOL here? -- we rub our hands in gleeful anticipation of the commencement of the evenings shenanigans. However, what happens next I am NOT prepared for.
As we enter the bar, this solid wall of cigarette smoke attacks us like wild hyenas on a baby gazelle in the plains of Africa. Cocksucking son of a bitch -- Camrose STILL hasn't implemented a no-smoking ban and it preys on our ears, eyes, and throat like Chad's mom preys on young virile men -- with reckless abandon. I seriously contemplate having to leave it stings that bad. But we suck it up and order our first jugs of the evening, pour ourselves a glass of that golden liquid nectar which is beer and head over to the pool table. All eyes are on us as we definately look out of place at the bar. For one, we smell nice. Secondly, we are young, and thirdly we have all our teeth and there are no scars on our faces. But we pay no attention to the leering men and women and proceed about our business.
The nice thing (if you can call it that) about the Alice Hotel is that it has a "shot wheel", where you get to spin the wheel and whatever shot the wheel stops on, that's what you get. I hit the mother load and get "Your Choice"...so I order a tasty sounding shot called Mud Pie. The waitress starts to pour the shot. Let's see...okay, vodka. And then what's this? Coffee Liquer? Dammit...this is just a black russian in a shot glass! Oh well, down the hatch it goes. Between boozing, pool, and Big Buck Hunter (which Jody and I SWEAR was broken 'cause we are elite video game hunters and still didn't bring down one buck), the hour goes by really quickly and all to soon we have to go to our next destination.
As we pile out of the bar, there happens to be a cop car parked out front. Naturally, we stop to pose for pictures...so I do the classic spread eagle, bent over the cop car hands above my head pose.
After a short walk (as in, literally seconds), we are at the Windsor Hotel and their attached bar called the Windsor Hotel Bar (woah...don't strain yourself on coming up with a cool sounding name guys). The Windsor continues to be my favorite stop on the Camrose Crawl, mainly because the beer is SO cheap ($7 a pitcher) and because they have shuffle board! On the down side, the place has NEVER (and I mean never) been updated in the entire time the bar has been in existence. Upon entering the bar, Craig-o and I immediately beeline for the shuffle board table and we pair up into teams to play shuffle board.
If you've never played shuffleboard, you are missing out. Think curling, but not on ice and you can play it one-handed and hammered. Basically you have 4 pucks and you push them from one end to the other, closest to the end without the puck falling off wins a certain number of points. But an additional twist is that you have to bounce the pucks off of a rubber bumper that is halfway down the table. Basically it's just a lot of fun.
The other thing about the Windsor hotel is the fact that they have nearly ever single possible stuffed animal head you can think of on the wall. In particular, over the shuffboard table, is a stuffed quail, deer, and moose head. While we are playing the game, I scoop up some salt into my hand and try to feed it to the stuffed deer head -- but I guess the deer wasn't hungry cause he didn't eat it. After I lose the game (what did you expect, I was trying to convince a stuffed deer head to eat shuffleboard salt -- my head wasn't exactly in the game?) I sit down with Jody and we talk about the stuffed animal heads. Jody remarks "Wouldn't it be weird if these animals were all alive, and this was the Flintstones, and they are just standing outside the building sticking their heads through holes in the wall 'cause hey, it's an easy way to make a living"? Uh....okay, Jody...have another one. But not to be outdone, I tell Craig to rip the quail off the wall and throw it into the air and tell it to fly to freedom my little feathered friend!
Wow...it's only the second bar and we're THIS hammered already?
The only other remarkable aspect of the Windsor is the fact that they have a t.v. that was made likely in the 70's, and it's recessed into the wall, almost to be flush with the wood paneling. As the waitress comes by to grab us -- AND grab us another round (hi oh!) -- I ask her where they got that ultra, ultra flat screen T.V. She isn't impressed with the joke.
In between the 9th or 10th pitcher of beer, we get to talking about the cop car and my spread eagle pose. Someone says that it would have been sweet to see that -- well, fortunately, Tyler took a picture of it! So as we're looking at Tylers digital camera, Garth decides that he needs a picture for himself...so he takes a picture of a picture. Not to be outdone, Lindsey also takes a picture of this -- that's right, a picture of a picture of a picture.
Honestly, why they don't make us in charge of anything just baffles me when you consider the amazing ideas we have! Below is a picture of Dale's Liquor store, an inpromptu side stop!
We leave the Windsor all too soon and make the 4 block walk to the next bar -- Scalliwags. Naturally we are practicing our best pirate "Arrrrghs" in anticipation of the pirate-themed bar we're sure to encounter. However, it IS four blocks away -- it may as well be a marathon -- so we stop in at a liquor store to get Boones wine, and a tray of shots, for the walk.
We get into scalliwags and it turns out to be an English Pub / Darts bar (rather than being pirate themed). Damn. But it does have dart boards, and free popcorn, so it's not all the bad. We start to drink (what a surprise) and I have to take my first leak of the night. SO I go into the bathroom and on the cork board where the urinals are it reads "For a good time, call the Camrose BANG BUS at ### - ####" SWEET...I didn't know Camrose had such luxuries. I go to write down the number but don't have a pen, and by the time I get back to my table I forget that I saw the number at all!
The only remarkable events of Scalliwags are as follows.
1. A drink called and ecstasy, or something like that. It looks like a blended smurf and tastes too sweet to have more than one. I, of course, have at least three.
2. We play a darts game called "how far can you sink the dart into the dartboard". I win...but what is most remarkable is that I missed the dart board complete but bury my shaft deep (heh heh heh) into the PLYWOOD backing!
3. We leave the bar and there is ivy growing on the side of the wall. Naturally, I climb it.
Oh yeah, and here's a pretty sweet poster-grope that I snapped. Forgot about this one!
The fourth bar is ABC Dining. That's right, a restaurant. So why were we there? Because its a chinese restaurant and they have karoke! Sadly the karoke machine is broken and Jody and I only get to sing into some reverberating microphones, while Lindsey breaks a table. Granted, there is Jody humping a blow up bottle of booze, but that isn't enough to keep us entertained. We leave shortly. The bar after the disaster karoke event is Old Cinema. It's actually an old theatre that's been converted to a bar. It's closed when we get there (9:00 pm) but we pound on the doors til they open up. Seriously, that's the first time I've ever OPENED a bar!
The Old Cinema has been in danger of closing for a long time, as know one goes there, and I don't know why! It's the only bar that I know of that has a disco floor!
Not only that, but the bar has $1 highballs -- which is like opening a toy store and letting a kid have WHATEVER the fuck they want! Rye and Rum and Vodka oh my! We start drinking in earnest now, really ramping it up.
(P.S. You should know that as I type this, Justin Timberlake's "Sexy Back" is playing on my mp3's and it's bringing me back to the Old Cinema)!
We start with gladiators one after another. We ask the bartender, the one with the huge and perky....uh....eyes....if we can buy her a drink. To say that we got shot down is an understatement. I think that she can barely stand to be there, let alone have to serve us booze. It it was me, I would have HEARTILY accepted, if for no other reason than to have a way to dull the pain of working in that bar. The smell of pot is nearly overpowering, but an intense game of fooseball makes us forget the smell permeates the air.
This is the first bar to have a dancefloor and a DJ, and we take advantage. After we do the call on me dance -- you know the one I'm talking about, no need to repeat it here -- we leave.
Like all soldiers on the front line, we need to fuel up at a mess hall. In this case, that mess hall is 7 - 11! All rural 7 - 11's have chicken and us urban dwellers are SO missing out. But the chicken isn't cheap. There is a total of 12 of us, and I was planning on getting everyone two chicken skewers each. At $5.00 a skewer, that total would have been about $125 -- YIKES! Instead, we get a bucket of sweet delicious chicken for considerably cheaper than that and walk to the next bar -- BPs. And, having JUST finished the last piece of chicken as we walk into BPs, I promptly order a stromboli sandwich...sigh, I even fucking disgust myself sometimes!
But really, everything up to this point has been leading us to Cadillacs, the only actually popular bar on the whole stop! The bar is PACKED like an Indian train. I don't know how many different fire codes are on the book, but this place violated all of them!
Now, after a night of shitty bars, shitty people, and shitty to non-existant music, why do we go here after we reek of booze, sweat and cigarette smoke? It's all about the people (where people = 18 year old high school girls). Sadly, I wish I could say that this is not the reason...but for the most part it is. I mean, yes, the dancing is awesome...but frankly, I get a little tired of the sausage dance circle we have going on and instead prefer to wait on the sidelines just staring at the chicks. I remark to myself that none of them are hotter than Corinna, but really, mere mortal women cannot be compared to her...
We are dancing on the speakers -- yes, you read that right -- when these "I'm still in highschool" girls get up on the speakers as well. They giggle as they try to push us off the speakers with a few well placed hip checks (oh Patty, we needed your skills for retaliation!) and I put up with it for only so long before I turn to one of them and yell, "Look...I know that you think you are being fucking AWESOME, but quit it"). I think she just about started crying!
The night progresses as you think it would. The night winds up with this girl (Ashley) slow dancing with me at the end of the night. She is drunk as fuck, and despite my numerous references to my wife, she has her arms wrapped around me, holding my hand, buying me drinks. (Okay, so only two of the three I hand an issue with -- but can you guess which two?). Fortunately Craig Blair SAVES MY LIFE by dancing with us for the rest of the night.
After the lights come on, we walk back to Greg's parents house to pass out. Along the way, we adapt the classic Bryan Adam's song - Summer of 69 - to suit our purposes. "I got my first real 18, got her at the Camrose Crawl. Played with her til she was wet, was the Camrose Crawl 2006"... I know that there are women reading this blog, and I apologize for the vulgarity...but me not typing these words doesn't make them any less true, and you deserve to know everything that happened!
Upon getting back to Gregs, I spread out my sleeping bag to sleep on the floor. I PRAY that I will make it to the bathroom when the eventual call of nature -- puking -- forces me to my knees to pray to the porcelain gods. I awake some time in the night and run to the bathroom and unleash Montezuma's revenge. Honestly...as wide as my mouth could open was how the puke came out and it did NOT stop. But, after I finally expunge all the poison from my body and pass out, I settle down for a relatively calm sleep (well, if you can describe cans of red bull coursing through your body, making your heart pump a mile a minute as "calm").
We wake up, give our thanks Greg's parents for once again allowing us to stay at their home, and recall all the fabulous tales from the night before.
I PROMISE that when I get a chance to freakin' breath...as in, have no school...I will do the updates for Australia. I have SO many amazing photo's...sit tight, they are coming.
This is the first update from me in MONTHS. Sadly, I have been too busy with work and school to do anything on the blog. But since work just sent me to Montreal and I just spent an entire day travelling, I thought what a better opportunity to tell you all about my trip!
We got to Montreal on Tuesday, and we had tickets to go see the Oilers play the Canadiens in the Bell Centre. The Bell Centre is a new, modern hockey arena that sits 21,000+ (Rexall, by comparison, holds only 16,839). The game was sold out and was ROCKING. The game was really exciting, with three fights and even a shoot-out. Sadly, my team lost...but it was such a good experience that I didn't mind. One thing that was amazing was that we were near the "Molson Ex Girls". Placed at either end of the rink, there is a DJ that pumps out tunes, while these girls wearing skin tight booty shorts and tight referee shirts dance with each other provocatively. Obviously, it was fucking awesome. We had a Montreal smoked meat sandwhich, a beer (nearly $10 by the way...ouch), hot women, and a hockey game. So THIS is what heaven will be like...
Of course, we were there for work which was boring. But when we didn't have to work, we went down St. Catherine's street. Similar in many respects to Melbourne, there is a strip club / sex shop / peep show / adult store every two blocks. One store advertised "best contact dance in all of Montreal". In another example, this one guy tried to solicit business to the club by urging people on the street to come inside. He came up to us and said "Mes amis...come inside...20 tits for you!!!".
Sadly, unlike Borat, I did not make cultural visit for Glorious Benefit of Edmonton and go inside.
Another pretty good time was when we went to this bar that was three levels tall in the OLD Montreal Forum (ie. the habs old arena). While the bar was dead (actually, most of Montreal was pretty slow -- the locals blamed it on the weather which was really rainy) but that didn't stop me from drinking my face off. My co-worker and I went on a mini pub crawl that night. At this one microbrewery, we asked our bartender (her name was Jordan) where to go for cougars.
Her reply was immediate: "Thursdays". Thus, armed with this knowledge, we went to said bar...and, well, lets just say that the age group made the GAS PUMP look YOUNG! There were these old men, seriously old...I think one guy was at least 65 or older...trying to pick up younger women. (Where younger = 40's). Naturally, it was spectacular to see...
Now, neither me nor my co-worker speak French but he did have some smattering of French. As he got drunker, he was convinced more and more that he could converse in French. At one point, he asked a woman something in French, to which she'd replied. Then, he leant over to me and laugh that he had no CLUE what she had said... I imagine that she was PROBABLY telling him how she wanted to take us back to her place to watch her and her girlfriends have a naked panty tickle fight, or something like that.
One thing that I will say is that it's really cool how everyone (it seemed) was Bilingual. Me, being only English speaking, felt like a tool most of the time for not being able to respond in French...maybe when I get done my MBA I'll have to learn French.
All in all, a great trip and would love to go back again. Afterall, I need to try "real French Poutine"...
Thank you for stumbling across this piece of internet heaven. Ah ...lets face it. You're only here 'cause you know us and 'cause we told you go to this site.
These four pictures are a great way to demonstrate why we loved Santorini. It's just like every postcard of the Mediteranian you've ever seen.
Next to St. Peter's Basilica in the Vatican City, this Basilica -- St. Paul's -- is the next largest.
I'm not certain if this is meant to be a statue OF St. Paul, but you'll notice the ominous way he is carrying that sword.
I can't even begin to think why someone would actually want this...
Here is one picture (of many that don't appear in this blog) of some of the wine storage devices. Cori and I have seen many wineries now and they all pretty much look the same.
Here is the happy couple squinting into the sun for this picture. 
Okay, say what you want about the bike helmet, but here I am getting geared up for our bike trek. Although there was a stop in the middle for lunch, the whole trip was 23 km and featured a BRUTAL hill climb at the end of it. 
One scene from the roadside: a scotch broom plant. Although they are actually a weed, they do have some uses -- they can be used to make actual brooms! I don't know if this was a b.s. story or not, but when you get up close you at least imagine the plant being in the tail-end of a witches broom.
Here is the roof of the dome of the Basilica itself. You may have heard of the painter...Michaelangelo! Honestly, the dude was everywhere! He was comissioned to do many paintings, sculptures, etc. by the Catholic Church in that time period. I can only imagine how long it would take to do ONE PIECE let alone all the amazing things he did in his lifetime.
No doubt about it. THIS is the best photo of the weekend!
We called Robin and asked her if she would strip would quarters. I told her she could use them for laundry…but she declined. No matter, ‘cause the hockey game was on that night, so we ran into town to watch the game. We went to “Big Chief’s Pub and Eatery”. They had this amazing back room that was COMPLETELY empty – I don’t think we had booked it, but I could be wrong – with a television just for us. The waitress (Holly) was stunned…there were a LOT of guys and she was the only one working. But it was okay, ‘cause we made life easy for her. ALL we ordered were pitchers of PILSNER and Caesar’s. Booze flowed like water and a game of two bear started. IN the bar! And then, during the first intermission, the owner of the pub (note: he ACTUALLY was an Indian) ran into the back room and gave us a bottle of tequila ON THE HOUSE!
I don’t know how…but I never puked and I drank enough to tranquilize a horse that night. We all did…and the money we spent; well, lets just say that there is a lien against my house as we speak.
The problem is that Jeremy would fuck up and the wieners ended up in the fire! So instead a cook Walls a whole fucking steak – he wouldn’t remember eating it when I asked him about it the next day!
Eventually Houle, the little pussy, would go to bed. Thus, we threw rocks at his tent for the next hour to try to wake him up…it didn’t work.
Pay close attention to these pictures as the angles of the bottles are different. (Damn it...I wish I could remember WHY...oh well).
Could you imagine living here making wine for a living?
Oh yeah...here's something more my style. I give you the NEBAKANEZER, the largest of all wine bottles. Yes...that IS a "regular" wine bottle on the left. The middle wine bottle has a special name too...but it obviously pales in comparison to the bad boy on the right.
See the sign at the top? Here...let me blow it up for you,
And here is the actual apostle that the people were rescued off of!
You have to pay $10 to get a photo -- the money is used to build new Koala sanctuaries. However, after that you can snap all of your OWN pictures that you want. Here is Cori holding Mark the Koala.
Oh yeah, and here's a pretty sweet poster-grope that I snapped. Forgot about this one!
