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Tribute to Mr. Doe

Edit: at the request of Mr. Doe, I have changed names and locations to protect the identity of this modern day superhero. That goes for the comments, where I had to delete one.

One of the reasons that Moose and I started up this Blog is so that we'd have a way to recounting all the fabulous stories that we had as part of being "with the boys". One such event that I managed to stumble across was an article that I wrote for the Lister Lighthouse newspaper after I had finished my final year of school.

The article was written to help perpetuate the story of the greatest man I have ever known, one Mr. Doe. Even after we had left Lister Hall, the Light House continued to have "N+1's" about him even though he was long departed from Canada.

Indeed my sister ran into a 2nd year student over the Christmas holidays that has heard the the phrase "Mr. Doe Got Head"...this a full 5 years after the last of us left Lister Hall! I hope you enjoy re-reading this article as I did.

1. Stole a bus stop sign so that a good friend could catch a bus from the lounge.
   
2. Found porno tapes in a toilet in the med-sci library. Took them home, dried them out. Played them in the lounge non-stop thereafter. When moms and dads came to pick up their 1st year daughters at the end of the school year, said porn was playing in the lounge.
   
3. Turned down more sex and more blowjobs then most men likely receive in a lifetime. Although a lot of guys make this claim, as Jesus as my witness I swear this was the truth. Her is the only man I know that was able to ACTUALLY get twin sisters wanted to sleep with him.
   
4. Invented the concept of http://nakedskate.netfirms.com/, (a 6H legendary story in its own right).
   
5. Mr. Doe took genetics in his undergrad. For two genetics classes, he turned in MOVIES about genetic respiratory diseases – the Adventures of Jeb – RATHER THAN writing the term papers. Got a 9 in both classes. (Or, for the young’uns…an A+).
   
6. Diffused the fight between the 6H boys and the dirty Mexicans in the Ship – you know, when the Ship was ACTUALLY a bar.
   
7. Could beat you at NHL 93 for the Sega Genesis with his eyes closed and his arms tied behind his back.
   
8. Invented the Lister Wheel Chair Olympics.
   
9. Could karaoke Bette Midler’s “The Rose” in such a stirring manner that it would bring a tear to the eye of an Arab in the middle of the Sahara desert.
   
10. Helped in the plans to steal the original Skulk Trophy.
    
11. Picked a Sports Select ticket that featured 5 ties. Came one goal away from winning $250 off of a $2 bet. If only the Montreal Canadiens didn’t shit the bed…
    
12. Went to an STD clinic. Received a FALSE POSITIVE for HIV. There would simply be NO WAY he’d be able to contact all of his former sex partners!
    
13. Painted the mural at the bottom of the Henday.
    
14. Got so drunk that he fell out of bed and received 3rd degree rug burns over most of his face. Still received enough head to make your head spin.
    
15. Found a half eaten pizza in an alleyway. Took it home and ate it.
    
16. Had sex with your mom. Made your dad watch.

Why did the girls want to give him head back then? Why do they STILL flock to suck the cock? Because the man is a legend. He has no equal. Just as Ron Jeremy is able to sleep with unbelievably hot women, so too is he able to get everyone (from the fat girl that hides in her room, to the uber hot girlfriend of the guy living on 2K) to deep throat.

Make no mistake about it: Mr. Doe is a real guy. He currently lives in Eternia and is enrolled in med school at Castle Greyskull University. In a greater time, you would have met him. But alas, those days are fading like a distant memory like the name of the girl you picked up at Windsor’s when you were hammered. For every time you hear that some guy got head…just remember that he got it first.

posted by Team Shawn Michaels @ 7:16 p.m.